Free Writing: Celestial

sagittarius-constellation-chumack

Note: This is unedited.

There’s no chance, is there? You’re so far up there and so far away.

I can only throw my voice so far. You’ll never hear it.

How many more times can I try before I’m hoarse?

How many more times can I call before I lose it all together?

Dear Huntsman, you captured me already.

You might not be Orion, my favorite celestial, but you’re my favorite something else.

I want the best for you. You seem to have it.

Fame. Power. Money.

Stability.

Probably. I can only gather so much.

Are you okay? Have you smiled today? Do you smile a lot?

Can I make you smile? Have I?

Have I invaded too much, Huntsman?

I fear every log on. I dread every post. I check each word in case you see it.

How much longer can I live in fear?

What is there even to fear? We will never know each other.

I know you can’t hear me. You’re too busy and important to see me.

You shine so bright in the Heavens, Celestial.

How can you see me on the ground? How can you see me in the trees?

I’m too small. I don’t shine bright.

You burn. Burn so bright. It hurts. It hurts to fear for nothing.

I see others on the ground. They’re prettier. They’re thinner.

They know the right words to say.

“Hey daddy.” “Hey sexy.” “Hey handsome.”

That’s not me. I’ve never been one to talk to stars.

My head might be up there, but I’m not one.

All I can do is wish you a good day and hope for that smile.

Hope it makes you brighter. Hope for a change.

A change that will never occur. One that is stagnant in this mud.

Will we talk? Will you write back? Will we smile to another?

This isn’t love, no. You cannot love a being you don’t know.

Admiration, yes.

Promise, yes.

Possibility, yes.

Love, no.

There is no such thing of love from afar.

Do you know me? Can we be friends?

Can I just hear back? Can I hope for that much?

That’s too much for ground dwellers, isn’t it?

It’s over, isn’t it?

Like Pearl said, “It’s over, isn’t it?”

I guess it can’t be over, Hunter, if it never began.

Nothing has begun, has it?

Nothing. That’s what this is. Admiration is beautiful, but not when it sticks.

This is a horrible feeling. It’s empty and cold.

Are you cold up there? Are you alone in the sky?

You seem to be surrounded with such warmth.

So many people love you. Lucky.

I know people love me too. I’m grateful.

But you, my Celestial, your acknowledgement is one I seek.

Do you even know me?

Do you care?

Do I matter?

How do I know if I matter?

Must I climb to the stars with you to be seen?

Just a word. Just a thought. Just an okay.

Too much to ask, right?

Rebecca Sugar said today, “You can worship someone, you can idolize them, but in order for mutual respect to exist you have to respect yourself.”

I have this. I love myself. I accept my flaws.

I work at them. I chose to be alone to work.

I’m ready, Heavens. I’m ready to try.

Are you? Are you ready to root for me the way I have rooted for you?

Oh yeah.

You’re up there. I’m down here. You can’t hear me, can you?

So I stand on this ground looking up.

You’re beautiful. So sharp. So much wit. Such a mouth full of sharp words.

Rough past makes for a good man.

You seem like one.

So be my example. Be my strength to work towards.

You already are my inspiration.

My Celestial, I write in hopes you will be in my work.

I write to work side by side as equals.

For now, I shall be on the ground and write.

You light is my guide.

Shine bright for me, dear Hunter. Shine bright.

Don’t burn out too fast.

We will be equals one day.

Be happy.

Live on.

Find love.

I’ll root you on from here.

 

“Here Comes A Thought” by Rebecca Sugar

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love, and trust

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love, and trust

Here comes a thought

That might alarm you

What someone said 

And how it harmed you

Something you said failed to be charming

Things that I said are suddenly swarming

And though I’m losing sight 

I’m losing touch

All these little things seem to matter so much

That they confuse you

That I might lose you

Take a moment and remind yourself

To take a moment and find yourself

Take a moment to ask yourself

If this is how we fall apart

But it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not

It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok

I got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear

I’m here, I’m here, I’m here

And it was just a thought

Just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought
It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok

We can watch, we can watch, we can watch, we can watch 

Let them go by

From here, from here, from here

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love, and trust

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love, and trust

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